Last night Jan and I told Claire that we are going to be divorced after almost 21 years of marriage. Jan had made her decision quite a while ago. She told me over a month ago but she did not want to tell Claire. At that point, Claire had a few weeks of classes left, and exams, and the idea was to give her some peace to finish her first year of University. I agreed, for self-serving reasons.
I didn’t really think it would affect school. Claire has always succeeded in academic and intellectual matters in spite of struggles with her feelings. I don’t think that an immediate announcement and separation would have interfered with her routine and study habits. I agreed because I needed time to react to the news and to make decisions. I agreed because the news would be painful for Claire, and I was not strong enough to be present to face her pain at the time.
It was a relief to tell Claire, and to be able to move into the future. Claire has been shaken by the news. One part of her pain is that we fooled her and that she had not seen this coming. I think I felt the same way when Jan demanded the divorce a month ago.
This was not Claire’s fault. She is a victim of her parent’s struggles. She has been sacrificing herself to try to please and support both parents. I am looking forward to our new freedom.


2 responses to “Truthfulness”

  1. Tony: I appreciate the words you are sharing with those who read your weblog. It cannot be easy detailing this for anyone to see, but of course, it is your choice. I feel priviliged to read your thoughts and feelings about such a seminal moment in your life. As your friend, I will continue to support you and Claire, and by extension, Dave and Jan as well. I’m here, anytime. – Randy

  2. It sounds like you – the adults – have handled this with thoughts of your child coming first. Congratulations. So many times this is not what happens and kids suffer for it.

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