Present in his thoughts

N. has been resident in a group home a few blocks from my house, as I posted on June 9.
I attended a meeting with n., his CFS social worker, his group home key worker, and my estranged wife Jan on June 10. N. was argumentative, and I got the distinct impression that he was still determined to beat the system and keep his freedom. He took off right after the meeting. I left with a mission of gathering his clothes and delivering them to Garfield, which I did a few days later.


I have tried to line up times I can get together with n., but he isn’t there when I call, and he doesn’t call me. I have talked to the staff a few times, and I am finding that n. has been awol many nights since June 10.
He dropped by at my house at 9:15 AM on Sunday (June 20) to wish me a happy Father’s day. I was dressed to go cycling, and I told him I wanted to go out but I had a commitment to my friends to cycle with them, and a commitment to visit my dad in the afternoon. I said I wanted to meet him in the evening. He said he would call, but he didn’t. I could have called him, but got occupied with some projects and settled in to read a book after dinner.
I checked with Red (the manager of the group home) on Monday and found out that n. had been awol for a couple of nights, including Saturday night. He went back to the group home Sunday, about an hour after he stopped here. He slept during the day. I visited the house Monday evening and Tuesday morning. N. wasn’t there. He stayed there Sunday night and went awol again.
It’s good that he remembered and dropped by. It doesn’t appear that the group home reminded him or pushed him. I don’t think he was sarcastic.
He called me late last (Tuesday) night. He had called the group home and had been told I wanted to talk to him. He said he needed $60 because he owed a guy he had stayed with in Edmonton some money as rent, and he had heard the guy was looking for him with some resentment and ill intent. I said he should get back to the group home. When he called a second time, I offered to pick him up and drive him to the group home but he didn’t want that. He wants contact on his terms, and usually only when he needs money. I generally believe that he is trying to get money for drugs or to underwrite his street life and that his stories are false. He is making it hard or impossible for me to meet with him and talk to him.
He sees his life as something of a game in which he has to beat other players and the game. He thinks he wins when he can have fun, or being free – or avoid some rules. When I get into the game, he usually wants me to give him money, and sometimes he wants to trick me or steal from me.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *