Second Hand Smoke

When we last saw n. in this Web log, last Wednesday (Dec. 1/04) he had his foot in the door. He went out that night, and came back last night. He went to his classes on Thursday, and he kept his first appointment with a psychiatrist on Thursday and an appointment with his mom and Mediation Services on Friday. He showed up at the TRY program to get paid on Friday, but cut his Friday class.


When he said he was going out on Wednesday he said he wanted to talk to his friends. He said he was bored at home, and that he did not feel welcome. I agreed that the last few days had been I said he was welcome to stay if he could find something quiet to do in his room – models or reading a magazine or playing his Gameboy. He was subdued. He called Thursday night and said he was coming home, and then changed his mind, and then called at 2:30 AM, collect, from a payphone at the St. Vital Mall. He had been out past the time that the buses stopped. It was a cold night and went to get him, with the idea of dropping him at the shelter. He told me a story about being surprized when Cody turned up at Mark’s place, and leaving because the other guys wanted to go downtown and buy crystal. He said he had gone to talk to Danielle and had been able to talk to her through her bedroom window. I said that some of the story sounded true, and some of it was suspicious, and that what I saw was that he was not managing his life or treating me very well. I said I felt I was being used when he dragged me out in the middle of the night to provide taxi service. He accused me of not understanding how difficult his night had been. He claimed he had lost all his friends except Danielle. He said the only good things in his life were Danielle, and home. I said if felt like a lot of other things came ahead of my peace of mind.
When he realized I was going to leave him at the shelter, he complained that the beds were uncomfortable and the showers not particularly clean. He wanted to know if I was kicking him out. I said I was wondering how many more chances he thought he had. I said I was not going to have him come in and spend the next hour showering and snacking before I could settle back to sleep. I said he could call me after his mediation on Friday. That wasn’t the end of it. He got angry. He refused to get out of the car, and then threatened to hit me. He was abusive to the staff and the shelter and was nearly turned away.
His mom confirmed that he attended his mediation on Friday. He called me himself in the evening. He wondered if he could come back. I said he had to be early enough to shower and deal with his clothes if he had been smoking indoors with his friends. He decided he didn’t want to come home. He said he had spent $20 and still had money left. He wanted to know if he could come home Saturday to shower, do laundry and hang out. I said yes, I would fit him in around my chores and plans. But he didn’t call until Sunday evening.
Again, I said he could come home. Again, he reeked of cigarette smoke. He took a shower – he was taking a long time in the shower and I began to load the laundry. I heard a clicking sound in the bathroom and found him clicking a lighter. I didn’t see any drugs and I really don’t know what that was about. When I got up in the morning I took a shower myself and found a condom wrapper and a condom floating the toilet. When he finished his shower I got him to do his laundry, but he dealt with his coat by keeping it in his room. The smell of stale smoke permeated the house. By morning I had a sinus headache.
He had agreed that I could wake him at 7:00. He dragged his feet and I had to check on him repeatedly to keep him moving. He wasn’t out of the house until nearly 9:00. I told him that he was dragging his feet and that I was concerned that I had to keep pressing him. We had an argument about his room. I had cleaned up all his clothes when he hadn’t come back by Sunday, and put them in the laundry. He complained that I had moved something, and I should not be in his room. I said that it was my house and that I was going to keep it clean if he wasn’t around to take care of his room. We had another argument when he said I was making up new rules. I said I was enforcing the rules he knew about – getting up and having his shower and breakfast early enough to be ready for school, and to give Claire time and space too. I said if he was going to stay at home he was going to find that the rules were to limit him for my security and comfort. His reply was that he had been able to live with me when I had been a prick before.
I found him using the phone and he said he was trying to reach Danielle. He wanted bus tickets. My spider sense was tingling. He wanted to know if he could drop in at my office after school. I said not if he was planning to leave for St. Vital again. I said in that case he should just leave and not use my house as a drop-in. Danielle called shortly after he left, and I realized he had been waiting for her to call. She said she wasn’t at home and really wasn’t supposed to use the phone. She didn’t explain the circumstances. I checked with the TRY program later and n’s case manager told me he didn’t show up this morning. Once again, he has gone off to try to find or rendevous with Danielle.

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